


we are blinding

by reddieforlove



Series: Closer [2]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: 5/7 of the losers are in a band, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Language, M/M, Musicians, Porn With Plot, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 14:29:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13320117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddieforlove/pseuds/reddieforlove
Summary: When I’m with you, all the rules and the logic of everyday life, things that were so important to me, all go away. And all I feel is how fast my heart beats whenever I’m with you.





	we are blinding

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit, you guys. After the absolutely overwhelming reaction to the first part of this fic, I just had to write a second. I cannot tell you how much it means to me that there were so many good responses. It surprises me and makes me beyond happy. Thank you so much. I hope that this is a worthy follow-up to the first part. I'm pretty anxious about living up the bar that has been set but I can only hope that you like it.
> 
> The big chunk of italics is a flashback from The Night.
> 
> Fic Title: Illuminated by Hurts
> 
> Fic Summary: a quote from Sense8
> 
> Inspiration songs:
> 
> 1\. **Closer** \- Kings of Leon  
>  2\. **Dreaming** \- Sleeping Wolf  
>  3\. **Hole In Your Heart** \- Royal Blood  
>  4\. **Poison** \- Milk  & Bone, Deebs  
> 5\. **Dream** \- Imagine Dragons  
>  6\. **In the Mood For You** \- The Record Company  
>  7\. **Hunger** \- Ross Copperman  
>  8\. **Illuminated** \- Hurts  
>  9\. **All You Wanted** \- Sounds Under Radio  
>  10\. **Why We Try** \- Matthew Mayfield ft Chelsea Lankes

_“The bus has eight beds, you know.”_

_It was hard to know what to say to that. Richie said it nonchalantly as he propped his chin on Eddie’s hip, looking up at him from behind those glasses that Eddie really did like._

_“I’m just saying, you may not have seen but there are eight beds and only five of us. They’re fucking miniscule but you probably wouldn’t mind as much as me.”_

_Eddie frowned a little at the obvious comment on his height before realizing what the other man said._

_“Richie-”_

_“We go on tour once awards season is over,” Richie said, cutting him off. “All over North America. You ever been to thirty cities in five months?”_

_“No,” Eddie said quietly._

_Richie smirked, nudging Eddie’s shirt up to skim his lips over his abdomen. Despite the shiver it elicited from him, Eddie wasn’t going to be distracted._

_“I could show you the world,” Richie half sang, fluttering his eyelashes dramatically._

_“This isn’t Aladdin,” Eddie said, reaching down with the intent of pushing Richie away. “And I’m not a fucking groupie.”_

_He softened the effect of the words by running his fingers through Richie’s hair instead of pushing him away._

_“But you’d be the cutest fucking groupie out there,” Richie said with a small pout and Eddie realized that he was just teasing._

_With a huff, he flicked Richie’s ear just below the cartilage piercing._

_“Just shut up and kiss me, Tozier.”_

_“Glad-fucking-ly, Eddie Spaghetti.”_

* * *

Eddie didn’t know what he expected, after. Maybe a seismic shift in reality. After all, it felt like a night that should have changed everything.

Instead he got a fizzle.

A flatline into nothing.

They tried. No one could say that they didn’t. But after a few months, texts slowly started to go unanswered and Skype dates were postponed again and again until they gave up on trying entirely. Whenever Eddie wasn’t working or doing something for school or sleeping, Richie was performing or attending a party or resting on the bus. There was nothing dramatic about the way that they ended. It was just a slow decline into realizing that they didn’t work like this. Maybe if it happened with more finality, Eddie wouldn’t find himself still thinking about it a year later. It wasn’t constant but it was often enough. Richie was always just there, at the back of his mind. His smile, his lips, his voice, his hands.

Life would be easier if he could just forget.

Eddie was so certain that Richie was already long past it. How could he not be, with the life that he led? He was more than likely over it, especially since the band was caught up in a whirlwind of the occasional concert to promote their new album that they’d been teasing for the last three months, releasing two new singles that instantly hit the top charts. But that didn’t explain the occasional email he got from Ben or Bev, always mentioning Richie towards the end, saying that he wanted them to say hi to Eddie for him. Why do that? He had Eddie’s number and his email. Why didn’t he just say hi himself? Did he think that Eddie wouldn’t answer? Or was Eddie always just reading too much into one night and a few months of back and forth?

He pushed on with his life, refusing to be someone who dwelled on something and didn’t go anywhere because of it. He had promised himself that he would never live a dead-end life long before Richie Tozier was ever a blip on his radar. Eddie was determined to live up to the bar he set for himself. So he finished his degree and started looking for ways out of Portland. That’s what he was doing right now, scrolling through a link his former adviser sent him full of job listings in major cities as rain tapped against his windows. There were always financial planning firms looking for new hires in entry level positions. Jobs that offered insurance, stability, and retirement. Yet for some reason, Richie was there in his mind.

_“Roots are overrated, Eds.”_

They weren’t. Eddie knew that they weren’t. Richie had lived a different life, a life that he knew very little about at the end of the day, and his view didn’t have to change Eddie’s. Getting a job like the ones he saw listed on his computer screen was safe. Safety was a good thing. Eddie tried not to hear his mother’s voice in his mind when he thought the words. Then someone was knocking hard on his apartment door, practically rattling the thing and pulling him out of his thoughts. He debated whether to answer, knowing that he hadn’t been expecting any food or other deliveries.

Then the person knocked again even louder and Eddie was afraid that his neighbors would come out to complain if he didn’t do something. Slowly pushing to his feet, he crossed to the door and unlocked it, wondering if he should grab a weapon of some sort before opening it. But his mind was made up when another loud knock sounded and he yanked the door open with a heavy sigh, ready to lecture whoever was on the other side about the proper knocking level. But his words died on his lips and he just stared.

Because if Richie Tozier was definitely over him, then why was he standing on Eddie’s doorstep with a guitar case in one hand, a duffle bag in the other, and every part of him dripping rainwater onto the floor?

Eddie stared and stared, wondering if he’d thought Richie into existence by recalling his words just a few minutes ago. He looked achingly familiar and so fucking good in spite of his flat, wet hair, paler than usual skin, and almost blue lips. The leather jacket he wore was a little too big but it looked perfect on him, along with the ripped black jeans and Van Halen t-shirt. Richie stared back at him, looking almost as though he couldn’t quite believe that he was there either.

“Usually I’d appreciate your pretty eyes looking at me all you want, Eds, but right now I’m soaking wet and it’s the fucking Arctic Circle in your hallway. Mind doing this piece of meat a favor and letting me in to thaw?”

Eddie stepped aside before he could really think it through, watching Richie take two large strides inside before letting out a sigh as he dropped the duffle and guitar by the door. It was easy to see that he was shivering now that Eddie was really looking at him. Richie closed the door and locked it before stripping off his jacket and hanging it on a stand with Eddie’s various coats and cardigans. Only then did he turn to Eddie, a smile on his face in spite of the still wet clothes he wore.

“Hey,” Richie said softly.

Eddie didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Richie was there.

“You should shower.”

The words slipped out and he nearly winced at the way Richie’s eyebrows rose.

“Get warm,” Eddie explained, turning away from Richie to step further into his neat, small studio apartment. “Bathroom is through there, towels are in the cabinet. Use anything you want except my toothbrush. Do not use my toothbrush.”

“I brought my own toothbrush,” Richie said from behind him.

“Good,” Eddie said moving into his small kitchen. “I’ll make some hot tea. Or do you prefer coffee?”

“I’ll take whatever you want to make.”

Eddie nodded, already busying himself with filling the kettle. He felt Richie’s eyes on him as he moved around, it would be impossible not to with how suddenly aware he was of the other man, but he forced himself to ignore it long enough for Richie to disappear into the bathroom and close the door behind him. Only when Eddie heard the sound of the shower turn on did he stop moving, turning around slowly to stare at the bathroom door.

His heart was racing in his chest and he felt shaky, like he was in the middle of a free fall and just waiting to hit the ground. Richie’s duffle was nowhere to be seen, probably in the bathroom with him, but his guitar was sitting by the door. It looked out of place yet Eddie couldn’t count the number of times he’d imagined it sitting somewhere in his apartment back when he’d been in deep denial about the fact that whatever they had wasn’t working.

Eddie waited until he heard the water shut off before putting the kettle on the stove and switching it off. It was easy enough to get caught up in his whirling thoughts in the meantime as he tried to make sense of what was happening. It occurred to him to call someone who might know more than he did too late because Richie was opening the door and stepping out of the bathroom just as he reached for his phone.

“Your shower is fucking incredible.”

Eddie’s stomach lurched at the sight of him in dark grey sweatpants and a thin t-shirt. He hadn’t prepared himself for the sight of Richie’s cheeks now filled with color from the heat of the shower and his glasses slipping down his nose since he’d taken out his contacts. It was impossible to turn away even as Richie lifted his head and met his gaze. Then he grinned at Eddie and it made his chest ache.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Eddie Spaghetti,” he said, padding across the floor towards the kitchen.

Eddie simultaneously wanted to throw something at him and ask him a thousand questions. _Why are you here? Are you okay? Where is everyone else? What’s going on? How do you know where I live? Are you fucking insane? Why didn’t we work?_

“Milk or sugar?” was all that came out.

“Sugar,” Richie answered, leaning over the low counter with his arms crossed on the granite surface.

Eddie could feel his eyes raking over him as he turned away to pour them both a mug of hot water before dropping a tea bag into each one. His hands were shaking when he picked them up but he managed to hand one out to Richie anyway before grabbing the small container of sugar he kept on his counter. Then Eddie walked to his couch, not particularly wanting to have any conversation at his small rickety table and _definitely_ not on his bed. Richie sat with him and the next few moments were filled with the awkward sound of them stirring the sugar into their tea.

“This place is nice,” Richie said, unsurprisingly breaking the silence first as he glanced around. “Just as adorable as I thought it would be.”

Eddie’s cheeks colored a little as he sipped at his tea. Not that he needed the warmth that it provided, since his body was feeling pretty warm as it was, but it comforted him just a little.

“Yeah I like it,” he said simply, at a loss of what else to say. “How are the others?”

Richie shrugged, drinking more deeply from his mug than Eddie before answering.

“Good. Haystack and Marsh are sickening, of course. We’re just waiting for the album to drop so that we can settle on tour dates and start all this madness again.”

Eddie nodded, looking down at his lap. He wondered whether Richie was going to go ahead and tell him why he was there or if he was going to make Eddie ask.

“How are things with you?” Richie asked.

So they were going to do this the hard way, then.

“Fine,” Eddie answered as he looked up again before realizing that he should probably give Richie a little more. “I finished school.”

Richie didn’t look surprised.

“I heard,” he said with a heaviness to his voice that Eddie didn’t understand.

They lapsed back into silence, staring at each other for a long time. Eddie’s tea remained forgotten in his hands as he looked Richie over. He still looked largely the same. A year and a half didn’t make that much difference. Eddie could see a new tattoo on his forearm. When Eddie’s eyes moved back towards his face, he found that Richie was staring at him with heat in his gaze. It was so familiar in its intensity, bringing Eddie right back to that night, that it set his heart to racing again and he was finding it hard to breathe. Richie opened his mouth to say something but Eddie was moving before he could.

“I need a minute,” he said, setting his mug on the coffee table before rising from the couch to dart past Richie.

Maybe it was better not to run but Eddie needed a little bit of space to get his mind back where it should be. Thinking about that night wouldn’t do him any good. It would only make him read too much into why Richie was there. He closed the bathroom door behind him and tried not to look at Richie’s clothes where they were hung over the shower rod to dry. He closed the toilet lid and sat down, running his hands through his hair as he tried to catch his breath and calm down. It took longer than he intended for his hands to finally stop shaking and the burgeoning panic attack to fade away.

By the time he stood up and faced the mirror, Eddie had a plan of attack. He was going to go out there and demand to know why Richie just decided to show up on his doorstep after a whole year of nothing. There was no way that Eddie was going to let him joke around and distract him. He may have let the potential between them fizzle out just as much as Richie but that didn’t give the other man the right to just show up on his doorstep for no discernible reason without any intention of telling Eddie why.

He took in his own appearance, remembering that he hadn’t done anything with his hair since showering that morning, which mean that it wasn’t combed as usual but rather loose and curly in a way that no one usually saw. There was no helping it now so he shrugged and brushed it out of his face before turning towards the door. Eddie didn’t know how long he’d been in the bathroom but it must have been longer than he thought because his mouth snapped closed as soon as he saw Richie splayed out on one side of the couch with his head tilted back against the cushion behind him and his eyes closed.

To fall asleep that way, Richie must have been exhausted. Eddie sighed at the sight of him, rubbing at his forehead before crossing the room to switch off the bright overhead light. After turning on a few lamps around the room, he found himself sitting on his bed with his phone in his hands watching Richie’s still form as rain continued to fall outside. It took a few minutes for him to work up the courage to dial. Once he did, his stomach twisted nervously until he heard a familiar voice on the other end, sounding relieved and wary all at once.

“Eddie?”

“Hey Ben,” he said quietly, leaning back against his headboard. “So, you know, funny thing… Richie’s asleep on my couch.”

“We kinda expected that,” Ben sighed.

Before Eddie could say anything, he heard several different people speak in the background.

“Yeah, he’s there,” Ben said to the rest of the band.

Eddie had tried his hardest not to resent Ben over the past year. After publishing his first book of poems, it became easy for him to go on the road with Beverly. Now Eddie was pretty sure that they were close to being engaged while he was keeping his distance from Richie, both physically and emotionally.

“A little warning would have been nice,” Eddie said.

“Sorry,” Ben said, sounding truly apologetic. “We weren’t really sure what he was going to do.”

“What happened?”

Even over the phone, Eddie could tell that his friend was reluctant to say anything.

“I, uh… I was talking about you. Bill asked so… I was just telling them how you finished up school and were thinking about moving out of Portland. Next thing we knew, Richie was throwing a bunch of stuff in a bag, grabbing his guitar, and hailing a taxi to the nearest airport.”

Eddie didn’t really know what to do with that information. He didn’t bother asking how Richie knew exactly where to find him.

“Where are you right now?” he asked.

“Atlanta.”

Richie had flown all the way from Georgia, apparently. Eddie had even more questions at this point, none of which Ben could answer.

“Okay,” he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “Thanks Ben.”

Ben started to answer but someone else spoke up in the background.

“Beverly wants to talk, is that okay?”

“Yeah it’s fine,” Eddie said, knowing that he should have expected that.

Only a few seconds later, after some scuffling on the other end, Beverly’s clear voice was coming over the phone.

“Hey, you okay?” she said.

“I’m fine,” Eddie said.

He didn’t know if that was true but he also didn’t really know what he was in that moment.

“Is Richie okay?”

“Well he might have a serious cold from walking around in the freezing rain like an idiot and a sore neck from falling asleep sitting up but other than that…” Eddie trailed off.

She let out a laugh and the sound of it somehow soothed Eddie’s nerves a little bit.

“Well in his defense, he is an idiot,” Beverly said.

“No kidding.”

They both fell silent for a few moments until she sighed.

“Just talk to him, please. I know it got hard between you two…”

“It wasn’t-” Eddie huffed, shaking his head. “I don’t blame him. And we weren’t ‘two,’ we were just…”

“Something?” Beverly finished for him.

“Yeah,” he said dumbly.

It was hard to define whatever it was they had.

“He may be late but he’s there. Give it a chance,” Beverly said.

Eddie didn’t get to ask what she meant before she was handing the phone back over to Ben.

“Let us know if there’s anything we can do, okay?” his friend said.

What Ben thought they could do from all the way across the country, Eddie wasn’t sure, but he agreed anyway.

“I’m sure Richie will call Beverly or someone later,” he said.

“Yeah probably,” Ben agreed.

Without much else to say after that, they said goodbye and hung up, leaving Eddie still staring across the room at Richie with zero idea of what to do. So he found himself back at his computer, his legs curled up underneath him as he bookmarked several potential jobs and resolved to send them his résumé as soon as he had the chance. Then he took the cold mugs of tea from his coffee table while avoiding Richie’s long legs and rinsed them out, found a few things to clean up, and even went through his mail before he finally heard movement from the couch.

“Shit,” Richie mumbled, his voice rough with sleep.

Eddie glanced up from where he was sitting on the bed again, watching as Richie rubbed at the back of his neck and sat up before sweeping his hand through his messy hair. Then he was peering around in confusion as if he forgot where he was, his eyes falling on Eddie and blinking several times before he sat up slowly.

“Hey,” he said, rubbing at his eyes beneath the glasses he wore. “Sorry about that. Guess I was more tired than I thought.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, slipping off of the bed to walk over to him. Richie watched him the whole way until he was sitting on the couch where he’d been before.

“What’s going on?” he asked, knowing that it was better than bluntly asking why Richie was there.

“Well I was hoping to get your mom’s address but since I’m here-”

“Richie,” Eddie cut him off, staring him down. “I talked to Ben and Beverly. They said you just left.”

Richie turned away, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Fuck,” he cursed, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I don’t know, Eds. I just…”

Eddie waited, watching Richie shake his head before looking over at him again.

“This is what I should have done a year ago,” he said.

“Rich,” Eddie sighed, looking down at his lap. “It’s not on you. We just don’t work.”

Richie didn’t say anything for a while but then he was lifting Eddie’s chin gently.

“Do you remember how it felt that night?” he asked.

Eddie nodded as Richie’s thumb stroked over his jaw. The simple touch was strangely agonizing, making Eddie want more even though he knew that he should put some distance between the two of them before history repeated itself.

“I can’t forget,” he admitted, leaning into Richie’s touch instead of away from it.

Richie gazed at him, his eyes flitting over Eddie’s face as a smile tugged at his lips.

“Shit, Eds. I thought I remembered how fucking gorgeous you are but now that I’m here…”

He trailed off as Eddie blushed without breaking their gaze. As much as he knew he should pull away and reestablish the distance between them, that concept was better in theory than in practice, especially with Richie’s soft touch on his skin.

“I really wanna kiss you right now.”

Richie didn’t look embarrassed by the confession, even though it didn’t seem like he meant to say it. He let it hang in the air between them, watching Eddie for a reaction.

“We shouldn’t,” Eddie said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I know,” Richie said, leaning in anyway.

He moved slowly, giving Eddie every chance to pull away or stop him. The kiss was barely much of anything, a simple brush of lips, but it was breathtaking all the same. Eddie’s hand lifted and his fingers delved into Richie’s hair, pulling him in closer before the other man could lean away. With a soft groan against Eddie’s lips, Richie slid an arm around his waist. The kiss turned to more, passion and desperation and frustration fueling them. Eddie found himself basically straddling Richie’s lap, kissing him as if there was nothing left in the world but the two of them. Nothing else mattered because Richie was there and his touch burned and soothed everywhere and this kiss was addictive in the best and worst kind of way.

Then Richie broke away with a harsh breath but Eddie wasn’t ready for it to be over. He contented himself with pressing kisses along his jawline as Richie’s hand slipped beneath his shirt and settled on the small of his back like a brand on Eddie’s already heated skin. They were pressed as close as they could possibly get on the small couch and yet it didn’t feel like they were close enough because there was more than just clothes between them. There was complication and bruised hearts and a year of thinking that nothing could come of this.

“Fuck,” Richie groaned as Eddie pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his throat. “If we don’t work, why the hell does it still feel like this?”

Eddie finally pulled away, tilting his head up to meet Richie’s dark, blazing eyes. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest, aching and whole all at once. Reaching out, he pressed his hand over Richie’s chest and felt that his heart was racing too.

“Tell me something,” Eddie said, the words coming out between heavy breaths. “About you.”

Richie swallowed hard and tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling. He didn’t displace him from his lap so Eddie didn’t move, keeping his eyes on Richie’s face. He needed this, needed to know that this connection was more than just physical and that’s why it felt like this.

“I have ADHD. It wasn’t diagnosed when I was a kid so I never got treatment or even taught how to deal with it outside of teachers giving me detention when I got too disruptive or my parents just ignoring me when I got too loud. That’s why I got into music because it gave me something to do when I needed an outlet.”

Eddie’s heart sank at Richie’s words. He expected some superficial fact about him, not something so deep that obviously still affected him to this day. Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead to Richie’s shoulder and wound his arms around him. It was an awkward embrace for a moment until Richie pulled Eddie in closer with his arms slung around his waist, relaxing into him as if Eddie’s reaction was just what he needed after that.

“My mom made me believe that I was sick when I was a kid,” Eddie said quietly, finding it easier to talk about this when he wasn’t looking at Richie in the eye. “She gave me all these pills and an inhaler, told me I had asthma. But it was all bullshit, sugar pills and flavored water. I was having panic attacks, not asthma attacks. The damage was done when I figured it out but I managed to get over most of it by the time I graduated high school. That’s why I hate hospitals and needles. She would drag me to the doctor if I so much as sneezed twice in five minutes and they’d do all these tests. I hate it. Sometimes I still reach for my inhaler when I feel like I can’t breathe.”

Richie’s hand started rubbing at his back halfway through his speech when his voice hitched a little and hadn’t stopped.

“Eds,” he whispered, lifting his other hand to curl his fingers into his hair.

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the panic to set in. He hadn’t told anyone about this. The only other person in the world who knew was Ben and that was only because he’d been around for most of it after they became friends in sophomore year of high school. But the panic never came. All he felt was relief, like a small burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Pulling away slowly, he met Richie’s gaze and saw only understanding and sympathy there.

“My parents kicked me out of the house when I was fifteen because I was caught kissing a guy by the bleachers during school. The only time they really decided to give a shit about me. That’s why I was living with Bill and his family,” Richie said, holding Eddie’s gaze bravely as he spoke.

Eddie’s heart sank for a younger Richie who must have felt so lost and hurt and angry after that. He was glad that Richie had someone like Bill to help him.

“My mom just told me it was a sickness, that she could cure me if I let her help.”

“Fuck your mom,” Richie said with a little bit of anger in his voice.

Eddie stared at him with a small smile tugging at his lips. Richie looked back at him with confusion for a second before he seemed to realize what he said. A slow smile formed on his face and he opened his mouth to say something but Eddie cut him off.

“Fuck your parents.”

Richie’s eyebrow rose.

“Two at once, huh? You are one kinky son of a bitch, Eds.”

Eddie slid a hand into Richie’s hair and tugged at the dark strands, recognizing the flare of heat in his eyes.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Eddie said suggestively.

Richie let out a low curse before dragging him in for a hard kiss that sent low sparks of warmth through his body from head to toe. Eddie rolled his hips just once as he gasped into Richie’s mouth but it was enough for Richie to groan. Then it was his turn to torment, his mouth dropping to Eddie’s throat to kiss and nip his way down to his collarbone. Eddie tilted his head back, clutching at Richie’s hair when he scraped his teeth over his pulse point.

“Tell me something,” Richie’s voice was muffled against his skin but Eddie knew what he wanted.

“I-I really like strawberries,” Eddie breathed out as Richie pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat.

It was such an inane fact but the only thing he could really think of in that moment. He expected Richie to laugh but instead the other man hummed against his skin before lifting his head.

“I bet you taste good when you eat them,” Richie said, dropping a kiss to Eddie’s mouth before swiping his tongue over his bottom lip. “So sweet.”

Then he was kissing his way down Eddie’s jaw before he had a chance to kiss him back.

“Your turn,” Eddie said, clutching at Richie’s shirt.

Richie let out a low laugh, nuzzling at his temple before speaking.

“I like the taste of you,” he whispered into Eddie’s ear before scraping his teeth over that sensitive spot just behind his ear.

Eddie gasped and bucked his hips against Richie’s thigh, feeling that he was just as hard.

“Your lips,” Richie continued, kissing on down before biting at the juncture where his shoulder met his neck. “Your tongue. Your skin. Your cock.”

Richie punctuated the words by grabbing Eddie’s ass in both hands to press him down in his lap, rolling his hips up and pulling a moan out of Eddie’s mouth.

“I want-“ Eddie cut off, pulling away from Richie a little bit.

“What do you want, baby? You want me to use my mouth on you again?”

Eddie shook his head, meeting Richie’s heavy gaze.

“I want to do it,” he said, dropping his hands to the hem of Richie’s shirt. “I want to use my mouth.”

Richie looked as if he was about to come right then and there for a second before he hauled Eddie in for a brief yet passionate kiss that had them both panting again.

“Whatever you want,” Richie murmured against his lips.

Eddie nodded, pulling away with a little bit of hesitation before lifting Richie’s shirt over his head. There was a new tattoo barely peeking out over the waistband of his sweats but Eddie left that for later, brushing his thumb over the writing on his ribs.

“Bed?” Richie asked in a low, rough voice.

He shook his head, content to stay right where he was for now. Eddie’s eyes caught on the ring through Richie’s nipple and that familiar desire coursed through him at the sight of it.

“I like this,” he said, tracing his finger around the nipple without touching it or the piercing.

“I noticed,” Richie said with a smirk that fell away when Eddie flicked the ring purposefully. “Fuck, you really do like it.”

Eddie nodded, brushing his thumb over Richie’s nipple before tugging at the ring very gently, earning a hoarse groan from the pliant man beneath him. Ducking his head, Eddie began pressing hot, wet kisses all across Richie chest until he got to the pierced nipple. Tracing his tongue around it, he felt Richie’s hand weave into his hair.

“Might have to get the other one done if this is the treatment I get,” Richie sighed.

Eddie pulled at the ring again, this time with his teeth, before soothing it with his tongue. Richie was shaking a little beneath him by the time he decided to give him a little relief from that particular torture.

“What is this?” Eddie asked, reaching down to stroke his thumb over the new ink that he could see just to the right of Richie’s hip.

“See for yourself.”

Eddie folded down the waistband, quickly realizing that Richie wasn’t wearing boxers, but pushed that aside as he let his eyes linger on the infinity symbol there.

“Bev did it,” Richie said.

Eddie huffed, looking up at him.

“How did Bev get a hold of a tattoo gun?”

“You’d be surprised about the amount of people willing to say yes to whatever we want to do, no matter how fucking stupid it is.”

“I don’t think I would be surprised, actually,” he said with a slight smile, nudging Richie’s pants down a little more. “You’re annoyingly convincing.”

“Speaking from experience, cutie?” Richie asked, though he sounded a little more strained.

“I have yet to say no to you,” Eddie reminded him.

Then he refocused on what he wanted to do, pulling Richie’s sweats down until his cock sprang free between them. Eddie bit down on his lower lip as nerves fluttered in his belly. It had been a while since he did anything like this with someone. He relished in Richie’s choked gasp of his name when he swiped his thumb over the leaking tip. Then Eddie was stroking him slowly, getting used to the motion as his eyes flitted from his hand up to Richie’s face. His chest was rising and falling quickly and his head was pressed against the back of the couch, exposing his throat.

Eddie leaned forward, still stroking as he kissed and nipped at Richie’s throat, leaving more than one red mark behind as he drew sighs and moans out of the man underneath him. Eddie pressed a hot kiss to his parted lips but pulled away when Richie tried to chase him for more, huffing as Eddie pushed him back against the cushion. Holding Richie’s gaze, he wiggled from his lap to the floor, finding his way to his knees in front of him. If Richie looked affected before, he looked like he was about to come at the mere sight of him now.

“Oh fuck…Ed-”

Eddie tugged his pants the rest of the way down before he could finish, tossing them away. Then he positioned himself between Richie’s splayed legs and wrapped his fingers around his cock again, staring up at Richie as he leaned in to touch his tongue hesitantly to the tip. If the sharp intake of breath from above him was any indicator, Richie was definitely on board for this. Eddie swirled his tongue around the head and licked up the slit before closing his lips over Richie’s cock.

Richie’s fingers wove into his already mussed hair as he shook with the effort of keeping still, forcing himself to let Eddie go at his own pace. It was easy enough for Eddie to establish a rhythm, hollowing out his cheeks as he bobbed up and down, using his hand on whatever he couldn’t fit in his mouth. Eddie didn’t try to take too much. He had nothing to prove and felt no desire to choke or gag himself. Richie seemed happy enough with what he was doing, judging by the words pouring out of his mouth.

“Fuck Eddie...you’re so good…so _fucking_ good…I love that sweet mouth of yours…”

All the nerves were gone, replaced by smoldering heat coursing through his body with every gasp and moan that slipped out of Richie’s mouth. Eddie was painfully hard, especially crouched as he was in his jeans, and the temptation to unzip and stroke himself was almost beyond what he could resist. But Richie’s choked words reached his ears again and kept him from doing so.

“Can’t wait to get my hands on you Eds… _fuck_ I wanna touch you everywhere…so beautiful, baby, so goddamn beautiful…”

Eddie whimpered needily around his cock as he imagined Richie tossing him on the bed and exploring him slowly and torturously. With a low curse, Richie gripped his hair just a little.

“Gonna-gonna come Eds.”

Eddie didn’t know if he could face swallowing after not doing it for a long time so he pulled off and looked up at Richie, using his hand as he licked at his lips and watched Richie’s eyes squeeze shut and his hips thrust up. There was a flush all the way down his cheeks and throat to his chest. Eddie reached up and rubbed a thumb over his nipple piercing before just barely tugging at it. That was all Richie needed, his body growing taut as he orgasmed, his come painting his stomach as Eddie stroked him through it. Eddie nuzzled at his knee and pressed a kiss to his inner thigh as Richie struggled to catch his breath.

“You’re beautiful too,” the words slipped out of his mouth and Richie lifted his head, blinking at him as though he was in a daze. “Really beautiful, Rich.”

Eddie wasn’t as good at speaking his mind but Richie looked pleased nonetheless, reaching down to stroke his cheek. He didn’t need to say anything more, the soft look on his face was enough. Eddie pushed up to sit next to Richie, grabbing a box of tissues from the table by the couch to clean him up. Once he was done, Richie pulled him in for a kiss. Eddie barely got to protest, wondering if he really wanted to kiss after where his mouth just was, but Richie didn’t seem to care in the slightest as he swept his tongue over Eddie’s bottom lip. Then he was tugging Eddie’s shirt over his head and tossing it over his shoulder.

“Bed now,” Richie said, pulling him to his feet and placing his glasses on the table.

Eddie let himself be led but Richie didn’t push him down when they reached the bed, pulling him close to undo his pants. Once they were gone, along with his boxers, Richie pushed him back onto the bed and climbed over him, kissing him in a leisurely, savoring way, as if he could have done it forever. Eddie might have let him if he didn’t move, making his way down his body with hot, open-mouthed kisses pressed over his throat, his chest, his stomach. When he bit lightly into his hip, a shiver of need ran through Eddie’s entire body. Then Richie’s hot breath was on his cock and he was _beyond_ ready, his hands twisting in the blankets beneath him. But all Richie did was skim his lips over the length of him as Eddie whimpered and pressed his lips together to keep from begging for more. Richie somehow sensed his struggle and Eddie could just _imagine_ the smirk on his face.

“Go fuck yourself,” he said with very little actual heat in his words.

“Hmm, I’d rather fuck you,” Richie said thoughtfully before kissing his way down to his knee and back up.

Eddie gasped out his name in a shaking voice as he sucked, kissed, and licked over his sensitive inner thigh. There would definitely be a hickey there. Eddie couldn’t find it within himself to care. It would be a physical reminder of what happened here once Richie had to… he didn’t let himself go down that road, shutting the thoughts away as he focused on Richie’s slow path back to his cock. Then he switched to the other thigh and Eddie could have screamed in frustration. He once again felt tempted to just reach down and stroke his cock. As if he sensed his thoughts, Richie bit a little harder at his thigh and Eddie swore loudly at the electric heat that shot through him.

“Patience, baby,” Richie said in a low, thrilling voice.

“Richie, I need…I need…” Eddie panted out.

He felt frenzied and increasingly desperate in a way that made it hard to breathe around the tightness in his chest. Then Richie’s fingers wrapped around his cock and stroked it slowly and that all went away as Eddie lost himself in his touch.

“You want me to fuck you, Eddie?” Richie said as he swept his thumb over the head of his cock.

Eddie nodded, biting down on his lower lip hard.

“Tell me.”

He inhaled sharply and forced his eyes to open, meeting Richie’s consuming gaze.

“I want you,” Eddie breathed out, thrusting into Richie’s hand. “I want you inside me, Rich. I want you to fuck me.”

“Fuck, Eds,” Richie said, surging up to kiss him.

It was messy and needy, with heavy gasps and clashing teeth. Eddie whined into his mouth when Richie took his hand away from his cock, feeling frustrated tears sting at his eyes because he was just on the edge of being _so close_.

“Shh,” Richie soothed, kissing him more gently. “You have lube?”

Eddie swallowed hard and nodded, turning to look at the nightstand. Richie understood, brushing a thumb over his collarbone before pushing up to stand. It was almost impossible to resist touching himself but Eddie didn’t want to come yet. Not without Richie touching him. When Richie had the bottle of lube in one hand and a condom in the other, Eddie started to turn over, quivering with anticipation. But instead Richie caught him before he could and pulled him into his lap facing him, arranging Eddie so that he was straddling his thighs with his hard, leaking cock caught between them.

“I wanna look at you,” Richie said, nipping at his lower lip as he uncapped the lube.

Eddie pressed closer to kiss him just as Richie stopped his unconscious grinding, securing an arm around his waist before his other hand dipped low. A near sob slipped out of Eddie’s mouth when one slick finger traced his hole slowly.

“So good,” Richie murmured, nuzzling at his temple as Eddie clutched at his shoulders.

He wasn’t in any hurry, simply teasing at Eddie’s fluttering hole with the lightest strokes of his finger. No matter how much he pressed back into his touch, Richie didn’t do anything to ease the burning ache in his lower belly.

“P-please Rich,” Eddie finally gasped, a tear leaking out and sliding down his cheek. “Please…I need…”

“I know baby,” Richie said.

A full body shudder ran through him as Richie finally, _finally_ slid a finger into him slowly. Eddie rocked back against his hand as Richie fucked him carefully with the one finger, letting him adjust. Then he was pulling Eddie’s chin up and kissing him as a second finger joined the first. It was too much and not enough.

“You feel so fucking good, Eds. Shit, I’m already getting hard just thinking about being inside you,” Richie said as he pulled away, keeping up the torturous pace of his fingers.

“I want you now,” Eddie said, letting his forehead fall to Richie’s shoulder as he scissored his fingers.

“Not yet, sweetheart. Gotta make sure you’re ready.”

He nodded, turning his head to kiss Richie’s jaw to make sure that he knew that Eddie was okay. Just as he did, Richie’s third finger pressed in alongside the other two and the stretch was just enough to make his back arch and his mouth fall open in a silent moan. Eddie’s hand slid up into Richie’s hair and tugged and he felt Richie’s hips snap just a little and his cock bounced against Eddie’s, hard again. The slightest friction it caused made Eddie whimper and Richie’s fingers slipped out of him.

“Lay back for me,” Richie said, pushing him back onto the bed again.

He shoved a pillow beneath Eddie’s hips before he could get too comfortable and made quick work of rolling on the condom before slicking himself up. Eddie watched it all with breathless anticipation, spreading his legs when Richie tugged him closer and leaned over him, brushing a kiss over his lips as he lined up with the head of his cock at his hole. As he pressed in slowly, inch by inch, their groans mingled in the air along with Richie’s curses and Eddie’s cry of his name.

He rocked into him gently, letting Eddie get used to the feeling. Richie lifted his leg high on his hip and went deeper with every slow roll of his hips. Eddie’s hand pressed over Richie’s back, feeling his muscles move beneath his touch. Eddie’s whimpers pierced the air with every thrust while Richie rambled about how he felt so good, so tight. Then Richie changed his angle and moved quicker, brushing Eddie’s prostate with every stroke and sending waves of heat through him, drawing a shout from his lips as he arched towards Richie.

“I could do this all fucking night…Eddie…look at you…you’re so beautiful…so so good for me…”

“Don’t stop, Ri-Richie…please don’t…I’m gonna…I’m gonna…”

Richie mouthed at his collarbone and reached between them, stroking Eddie’s cock in time with his thrusts and _fuck_ he felt like he was burning from the inside out as he met Richie’s thrusts with rocking hips. The rain seemed to pick up outside, a crash of thunder drowning out Eddie’s shout when he came hard, writhing beneath Richie as pleasure rolled over him and made his toes curl and his nails dug into Richie’s back but the other man didn’t seem to notice or care if he did. When he finally slumped back against the mattress, Eddie stroked his fingers up and down Richie’s spine and whispered in his ear.

“You feel so good, Rich. So good inside me. I want you to come for me.”

Richie groaned out his name and buried his face in Eddie’s neck, his breath hot on his skin as he snapped his hips a few more times, drawing a whimper out of an oversensitive Eddie before letting out a muffled curse. His pace slowed over the next minute until he stilled, breathing heavily for a moment or two. Then he lifted his head and pressed a gentle kiss to Eddie’s lips, pulling out of him carefully. As much as he wanted to stay like that and swap kisses for a while, Eddie hated the feeling of sticky come quickly drying on his stomach. Richie understood, pushing off of him after removing the condom. While he was in the bathroom, Eddie cleaned himself and pulled on a fresh pair of boxers, tossing Richie his own as soon as he came back out. Once Richie put them on along with his glasses, they found themselves on the bed again, lying in their sides as they kissed lazily for the next few minutes, feeling blissed out and drowsy.

“You can sleep,” Richie said when he yawned, carding his fingers through Eddie’s hair.

Eddie shook his head, turning to press a kiss to Richie’s wrist.

“I don’t want to,” he said.

He didn’t say the rest, how he didn’t want to miss more than absolutely necessary to before Richie had to leave.

“Tell me something,” Eddie said as Richie rolled over onto his back, propping up on his elbow to brush his fingers over the lyrics on his ribs.

“I wrote a song for the new album,” Richie said, looking up at him with soft eyes.

“Don’t you always write songs?”

He shook his head, reaching up to capture Eddie’s hand in his, tangling their fingers.

“I write the music but not the other stuff. This time I collaborated with Bill on a song’s lyrics this time,” Richie told him.

“What’s it about?” Eddie asked.

Richie looked hesitant, as if he was afraid to say it, which wasn’t like him because he usually wasn’t afraid to blurt out anything.

“You know… a boy I know,” he said with a shrug.

Eddie’s heart skipped a beat and his eyes widened.

“Richie…”

He couldn’t bring himself to finish, not wanting to say it in case he was wrong.

“This guy is something else, let me tell you,” Richie said, turning his head to look at the ceiling. “He wore a fucking cardigan to a dive bar.”

Eddie felt affection and disbelief rising in his chest.

“You wrote a song about me?” he whispered.

Richie’s eyes met his again.

“That okay?” he said.

Eddie nodded, feeling overwhelmed. Leaning up, he pressed their lips together and poured himself into the kiss, holding his hand to Richie’s cheek. It meant more than he could say because clearly this was something Richie did without knowing that they would end up here.

“I want to hear it,” Eddie said, pulling away from him.

“I’ll have Bill email you a recording. They don’t trust me with that shit cause I lose my phone all the time,” Richie said,  a smile lighting up his face.

Eddie let out a small laugh, burying his face in Richie’s chest. How he managed to make him feel giddy after they just had pretty groundbreaking sex, he didn’t really know. There was a lot that Richie pulled out of Eddie that he didn’t know even existed as part of him. When he turned his head, pressing his ear over Richie’s beating heart, Eddie felt his exhaustion tugging at him again. Against his wishes, he felt himself slipping away. It didn’t help when Richie started humming quietly, the sound of it urging him closer and closer until his eyes were slipping shut and unconsciousness took over.

When he woke up, Eddie was lying on his stomach. It was hard to tell how much time had passed. The rain had stopped coming down outside and darkness had taken over. The lamps were all still on, throwing the room into dim, soothing light. And there were fingers stroking over his back, drawing invisible designs. Richie’s voice was low but he was clearly talking to someone. Eddie didn’t move, keeping his eyes shut as he listened. Yet judging by the way Richie’s fingers paused, he had his suspicions that Eddie was awake.

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed into the phone, still talking quietly. “I’ll be there, Bev, I promise.”

A few moments of silence while Richie bent down, pressing a kiss between Eddie’s shoulder-blades.

“I don’t know,” he said to Beverly, his warm breath washing over his skin. “I’ll let you know.”

Eddie barely listened as he went through the goodbyes before tossing the phone on the bed.

“Hey,” Richie said softly, running a hand down Eddie’s side and squeezing his hip as he dropped another kiss to the nape of his neck.

He didn’t bother pretending like he was still asleep, turning over to look up at Richie while ignoring the sore ache in his body.

“When do you have to leave?” Eddie asked, though it was the last thing he wanted to talk about.

Richie’s face darkened for a moment.

“In the morning,” he said, scooting closer to Eddie. “We have a show.”

The news settled heavily in Eddie’s stomach. He wasn’t ready yet. He wasn’t sure that he would be in the morning.

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” Eddie admitted.

He was afraid. Afraid that saying goodbye would mean giving it all up again. Afraid that they would go longer without talking and it would put even more of a distance between them.

“So don’t,” Richie said, brushing a kiss over his temple.

Eddie huffed, wondering how that was supposed to help. Then he realized exactly what he said, pulling away a little bit.

“What?” he said.

“Don’t say goodbye,” Richie said, looking down at him with an open, hopeful gaze. “Come with me.”

Eddie stared at him with wide eyes for a long few moments before slowly pushing himself up to sit.

“You’re serious.”

Richie nodded, propping up on his elbow to look up at him. Eddie couldn’t do much more than stare at him.

“What’s holding you back?” Richie asked.

_Life_

_Student loans_

_Safety_

_Stability_

_Fear_

Eddie didn’t know how to live Richie’s life. He didn’t know how to forgo roots and travel the world in a bus. He didn’t go through school just to not do anything. There was no way that it would work. And yet there was a part of him, a larger part than he wanted to admit, that wanted more than anything to say yes. To not have to say goodbye. To have this every day. But it wasn’t fair because he wanted to do something with his life, something that meant something, and that wasn’t just following a band around the world. Eddie didn’t want to choose between that and Richie because both meant a lot to him.

“I-”

“C’mon, Eds,” Richie said, sitting up to stroke his cheek. “Come with me.”

Eddie didn’t know what to do.

Any response died on his lips.

He didn’t want to choose.

So he did the only thing he could in that moment.

He ran.

**Author's Note:**

> Just like before, I would love to hear what you think! I know that you probably hate me right now so feel free to tell me that too!


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